Standing for Truth

ON THE WAY TO THE CARTER CENTER

2007-05-21T19:45:00.000-07:00

I have been away from Blog Town for the last several months. Me and Merle went down to Mexico to get my brothers, Poncho and Lefty out of jail, again. They were down there due to running from the Law in Tennessee after stealing Volfanoo7’s low wattage chandelier. While down there they decided to go into a new business. They were going to import Game roosters into Texas for “sporting” purposes. The only problem was that they did not have enough money to buy roosters so they decided to “borrow” them from a fine “sporting” gentleman in Mexico City. In the process of “borrowing” the roosters late one night they got caught.

Borrowing another fellow’s Game roosters in Mexico without asking is very similar to doing so in the USA. They got two years in jail. Me and Merle broke them out and took off to Texas as fast as possible. We got to Fort Worth and split up. Poncho and Lefty opened up a Wild Game Dinner Ministry right there in Fort Worth. Me and Merle borrowed a 2002 Gran Prix that had been borrowed once before and took off for the airport in Dallas. We left the Gran Prix in the parking lot for the “rightful” owner to pick up. We caught a plane to Atlanta. The date was May 17, 2007. Historic in SBC history will be that date.

When we landed we were going to catch a cab into town and buy some new clothes. I needed a new fishing vest. My FREE WADE baseball cap would just have to do until I got back home to Blog Town to get another one. Merle saw no need to buy new clothes. His Tiger Stripe camos he had been issued back in 1969 by Uncle Sam were still in good shape. (by Merle’s standards) What luck! Low and behold there was CB Scott, Ben Cole and Wade Burleson in CB’s SUV.

Merle jumped out in front of the SUV and yelled; STOP as loud as possible. Now, you have to understand Merle is very dark skinned, with a heavy beard. He had not bathed, shaved, or had a haircut in about two months due to our rescue efforts of Poncho and Lefty down in Mexico. He also had a towel around his head due to the heat. What happened next could only happen to a Blog Town resident.

The Atlanta Airport Police saw Merle yell at three guys dressed in black suits riding in a Suburban. They took him to be a terrorist. Two of them started running toward Merle from opposite directions. Now Merle is a retired Navy Seal with much experience in places from as far as Southeast Asia to places snakes and dogs won’t live. These two Policemen were rather large. When Merle saw them coming he waited until they got right up on him and ducked. They ran into each other knocking each other down. When that happened several Airport Policemen came toward Merle. Merle jumped up on the Suburban and started yelling ATTICA, ATTICA like Al Pacino in Dog Day Afternoon.

CB, Ben and Wade jumped out of the Suburban. 17 Policemen drew their weapons and surrounded the SUV. Blue lights were flashing as more Policemen approached. An SBC Disaster Relief Team started setting up a feeding unit. A group of Japanese tourists starting taking pictures saying; O look a Hollywood movie is being made. One of the tourists looked at Wade and said; Look, DON JOHNSON. They started toward Wade asking for his autograph. Wade got out his ink pen with a smile on his face.

Ben started asking the Policemen how much their guns cost, saying their weapons look far more expensive than other Police issue he had seen. CB started yelling at the Policemen not to shoot because they would hit his SUV rather than Merle. He told the Policemen they did not have enough training. CB said to one of the Policemen; “Let me have your weapon. I’ll shoot him for you. I won’t miss. If I had not been there I would not have believed it. FORTY-ONE SHOTS by Bruce Springsteen came on the Bose radio of the Suburban.

I could take no more. I started to speak in tongues. It was a miracle. The Policemen holstered their weapons. Merle stopped yelling ATTICA and started singing KUMBAYA. Believe it or not all of those Cops began to cry. They explained that they had all been IMB missionaries that had been fired from the Board because they had a PPL. Merle got off the top of the SUV. The crowd began to disperse. CB was still trying to talk one of the Policemen into giving him his sidearm so he could shoot Merle for denting the top of his Suburban. Finally no one was left except me, Merle, Ben, Wade and CB. Merle said to them; “Where are you guys going anyway.” "We are going to see President Jimmy Carter;" said Ben. "JIMMY CARTER!!" screamed Merle. "HEY COPS COME BACK. TAKE ME TO JAIL. I AIN’T GOING TO SEE JIMMY CARTER." Merle is just a stupid NAZARENE, said CB. "Yeah," responded Ben. "Those Nazarenes just do not love each other like us SBC guys, do they?" Wade said; "Hey, there is Marty. Let’s get him and go. This is going to be a great day." CB said with a disgusted look, "If Art had been here this mess would not have happened.

THAT’S MY STORY AND I AM STICKING TO IT.

Villa Rica

No Girlie Man Here

2006-06-23T16:05:00.000-07:00

I was sitting in the Local Cafe this afternoon when I noticed Merle looking at me with a strange look. Merle is a strange guy having served as a Navy Seal in Southeast Asia and being abused by his country when he came home from the war. Also he is the only Nazarene in Blog Town and no one will do mission trips with him except a couple of plumbers, and a few more. No one from TBRBC will even let him work in Back Yard Bible Clubs because TBRBC is an SBC church and Merle was not baptized with the proper water or maybe administrator (who knows). Anyway Merle keeps to himself and serves the Lord here in Local Cafe by engaging those that come in with care and brotherly love, in sort of a "gruff" way. Also, he makes the best high test coffee and ham and onion sandwiches in the world.

So, it is usually no big deal for Merle to look at someone a little strange. But this was beyond that which was even normal for Merle. I wiped my mouth twice to make sure there was no ham drizzle on it. My fishing vest was clean. My Free Wade baseball cap was on straight. I did not have mud on my Red Wing boots. I was reading the Washington Post and drinking HighTest and eating a ham and onion sandwich as usual. My fly was zipped and I had not spit in the floor. I could not figure what was wrong with Merle and why he was looking at me with pure disgust. Finally I could take it no more so I asked him; "Merle what is wrong with you? Why are you looking at me like that?" Merle answered by saying; "Villa don't talk to me and I am never going fishing or camping with you again!"

I was dumb founded. Through the door walked Bob Rambo (Pastor of TBRBC), Rufus and Roscoe Bigalow (Deacons at TBRBC), CB Scott and a guy I did not know. The pastor was looking at me as if I had the Black Plague. Rufus and Roscoe were grinning that "we've got you now, you Charming Cobra." CB still had his ear wrapped up from where I bit him in Greensboro to keep him from letting Ronnie Duke hurl on the humanity hating Phelps Gang. CB was looking at me with a great anger and the "hint" of revenge in his eye.

The other guy was a stranger to me I had never met him. He just looked at me. I turned to Merle and told him to give all these boy a cup of High Test on me. When everyone got their coffee, they pulled two tables together and each one sat down opposite me and asked me to take a seat facing them.

I decided to do so just to find out what was going on with these guys. Merle started to sit down across from me but Rufus told Merle that this was Baptist business and he knew that even though he may get to the lower side of Heaven someday by some miracle he knew full well he could not be part of anything that Baptist did here on this earth because his baptism was still suspect with the trustees of the IMB and everybody knew they were the final earthly authority on proper baptism.

Merle growled something about hypocrites and Pharisees and sat down on a bar stool at the counter. Pastor Bob Rambo looked at me and said; "Villa, we have come to throw you out of the church. Rufus yelled; "A-MEN." Roscoe said; "that's right, A-men. CB and the stranger just sat there looking at me. CB had that look in his eyes like he has when he is plotting the kind of mischief that no other human has ever dared to think about in the civilized world.

I said; "You can't throw me out of church Dr. Rambo." "Why not?" yelled Rufus. "Because I do not belong to TBRBC and you know it, Rufus. You wouldn't let me join because I was baptized in the Pacific Ocean back in my Hippie days. You know I belong to the MISSION-MINDED MISSIONAL CONSERVATIVE EVANGELICAL REGENERATED MEMBERSHIP WITH INTEGRITY BAPTIST CHURCH over on the other side of Blog Town pond."

"Yes we can throw you out. Our church is the biggest church in Blog Town and the richest and we can do what we want. Just as long as we keep our baptisms up we have authority over your church. Don't we pastor?" said Rufus. I looked at Dr. Rambo and he looked rather uncomfortable. "Not exactly, Rufus, but I think that when we share with Pastor Cole of MMMCERMWIBC what we have found out about Villa he will have no choice but to remove him from the church."

"What have you found out about me?" I asked. Roscoe said; "This fellow sitting beside CB is Tim Rogers. He said you were a girl." "Tim has known CB for a long time and CB vouches for Tim." I looked at all of them for a long time and said; "All of you know I am no girl. CB, you were with me when we went on Disaster Relief for NAMB and you of all people know I am no girl. You are just mad at me for biting you on the ear in Greensboro and you have gotten this guy to help you to cause me problems over it and you know it." CB grinned and said; "Tell him, Tim."

Tim got a very serious look on his face and started as if he were about to preach. He said; "Villa I saw you and four short stocky elves dressed in different clothes all during the SBC. Two of the elves were dressed like Catholic Priests, another was dressed like a hair stylist and the other one was dressed like a little girl. She was with Dorcas Hawker. You were dressed like a woman following a man and woman around. My conclusion is that you are either a cross-dresser or a woman that only dresses like a man here in Blog Town and keeps her true identity when away from here."

CB was grinning from ear to ear. So were Rufus and Roscoe. Dr. Rambo was looking embarrassed. I said; "Tim the four elves you saw were my four bulldogs. They were dressed in disguises because they were doing security for pastor Cole and Wade Burleson. Springsteen wanted to go to the Ministers' Wives Luncheon so Dorcas was kind enough to take him. He wanted to get decorating tips for his doghouse. I was dressed up like Marty Duren's grandmother in order to provide protection for him and his wife, Sonya. CB, you know how to do these things as well as I do. Tell Tim the truth." CB looked at me. He knew exactly what I was thinking. I jumped to grab his sore ear. He moved. I landed on Tim Rogers. I thought, "Why not." I bit him on his left ear just as hard as I could. He started to scream like a panther. All of the others started to try to drag me off. My jaws were locked like the jaws of the grand champion sire PIT BULL, Bender S of Cole Manor. Merle was hitting me with his frying pan. Tim Rogers was praying in tongues and saying he would accept the sprinkled even if I would let go. CB was laughing like some depraved devil. Bob Rambo was saying that he knew nothing of Tim's prayer language and was now going to withdraw from this whole ordeal.

Suddenly Ronnie Duke Bigalow walked in the door and said; "Do any of you want this last Buddy Bar, I am full." Everyone shouted out at the same time; "HOW MANY HAVE YOU HAD?!!!!"
"6 boxes" he answered. Everybody except Tim Rogers took off out the doors running toward the other end of town. Tim did not know Ronnie Duke. Nor did he know what was about to happen to him.

EPILOGUE

I have forgiven Tim Rogers for calling me a girl. It took three Doctors to save his life after receiving the full blast of a Ronnie Duke toxic hurl. He still cannot use the words BUDDY and BAR in the same sentence with passing out or going into shock. The Doctors say it will take time. Lots and lots of time.

Villa Rica

ART AND MARTY SAVE GREENSBORO

2006-06-20T00:30:00.000-07:00

Art Rogers and Marty Duren deserve some kind of medal for bravery for their deeds during the SBC in Greensboro. The tell of their willing sacrifice is as follows.

Art, Marty and I were watching from a distance as Kevin Bussey interviewed the wicked Phelps Gang in front of the convention center as the SBC was going on inside. One of the Phelps gang was spewing hate and blasphemy toward Kevin and all other Southern Baptist during the interview. I was wondering what terrible thing must have happened to the poor woman in her childhood to cause her to have such hatred for humanity in her heart. She was even desecrating the Flag of the United States by standing on it. She actually had the nerve to speak abusive words about our service men and women that were fighting for freedom in many parts of the globe. I was about to offer an opinion to Art and Marty when Marty pointed up the street and said: "LOOK AT THAT."

Coming down the street was Ronnie Duke Bigalow being pushed down the street in a FOOD LION shopping cart by someone dressed in a HAZMAT suit. He was coming straight for the Phelps Gang. Art, Marty and I started running toward Ronnie Duke and the person dressed in the HAZMAT suit.

I did not have the bulldogs with me. Luther and Calvin were following Ben Cole around the convention center making sure that no one did him bodily harm. I had dressed them as Catholic Priests and the disguise was working well except for Luther continually barking that the Pope was the Antichrist. Bruce was serving in the same role as guard for Wade. I had him dressed as a hair stylist. Springsteen was with Dorcas Hawker at the Ministers' Wives Luncheon. He had begged Dorcas to take him because he wanted to get some tips for decorating his doghouse.

Back to the story. Art, Marty and I ran up to Ronnie Duke and the HAZMAT person. I yelled: "Ronnie Duke, what are you doing?" The HAZMAT guy pulled off his mask. You would not believe who it was. It was none other than CB Scott. Marty asked: " CB what are you doing?" " Why do you have Ronnie Duke up in this shopping cart" chimed in Art. CB looked mad as a hornet. He said: "I am going to stop the Phelps Gang from desecrating our Flag and speaking ill of our fallen service men and women. I did not tolerate this in Atlanta and I will not tolerate it here." I said: "I thought you had given up your old ways, CB" "I have", stated CB. "I am going to handle this in a hands off fashion." "What are you planning on doing?" asked Marty.

CB smiled with great pride and then told us what he was planning to do. "I borrowed Ronnie Duke from his dad, Roscoe. I took him to lunch and fed him all he could eat. You boys know how this kid can eat and what happens when he does. He ate 6 cans of turnip greens, 3 dozen raw oysters, a pork BB-Q plate, 9 Hershey Bars, a box of Buddy Bars, two strawberry milkshakes, and topped it off with 2 ham and onion sandwichs from Merle's lunch box that he had left over from yesterday. Boys, Ronnie Duke is primed for action. I am going to roll this shopping cart up to the Phelps Gang and spin it around several times and when Ronnie Duke turns green I am going to aim him at the Phelps like a cannon and let him hurl away.

You guys know that Kevin Bussey is immune to toxic hurl so he will be OK, but those Phelps will think judgement has befallen them in the form of "chocolate coated oyster demons." They will run back home screaming and gagging wishing they had never seen Greensboro, North Carolina and the SBC."

About that time Jeff Richard Young and Wes Kenney walked up. Art Looked at us all and said: "Grab him guys. We cannot let him do this. They might have to close down the whole city of Greensboro and the SBC if Ronnie Duke starts to hurl right here in the middle of town." We all jumped on CB. He had on the HAZMAT suit so it was easier to get him down. For insurance I bite down on his big old right ear. Wes jumped up and down on his belly and Jeff sat on his legs.

Suddenly Marty yelled: "Look Ronnie Duke is turning GREEN!!!" Art yelled back for Marty to grab him and put his hand over his mouth. Art ran to get his pickup truck. While CB was calling us traitors to the country, Art and Marty put Ronnie Duke in the bed of the truck and headed up I 40 east as fast as that Dodge would go. They got just beyond Burlington and saw a hog farm. They turned up the dirt road toward the farm. Art looked out and saw about 2000 hogs grazing in a pasture by a lake. He looked at Marty and Marty said: "Why not?"

They stopped the truck and took Ronnie Duke out of the bed. He was green as a tree frog by that time. They pointed him toward the hogs and ran the other way as fast as they could. Then it happened. Ronnie Duke started to hurl.

He hurled for 15 minutes. The grass wilted. Leaves fell from the trees. The hogs smelled the toxic hurl and ran into the lake. They all drown. After it was over Art and Marty went to the farmer's house and explained what happend to his 2000 hogs. They washed Ronnie Duke with a garden hose and gave the farmer Roscoe Bigalow's room number at the Sheraton Hotel in Greensboro assuring him that Roscoe could easily pay market price for the hogs, cash money right out of his pocket.

They put Ronnie Duke back in the bed of the truck just in case and started back to Greensboro. Marty looked at Art and whispered: "2000 hogs, what a hurl." Art looked back and said: "At least it was biblical in proportion."

You now know how Art Rogers and Marty Duren saved Greensboro and preserved the reputation of Blog Town during the SBC 2006.

Were they out of order? Will their action be refered? I think not.

Villa Rica

Villa's Bulldogs Speak

2006-06-05T13:32:00.005-07:00

Bruce

Springsteen

Calvin

Luther

My name is Bruce. (My handsome "mug" is the picture on top. ) I am one of Villa's four bulldogs. I am the spokesman for the group, because my brother Springsteen and I have been in the spotlight more than our other pals, Calvin and Luther. If you notice Villa is holding my chain. Ben Cole's hand is much smaller than Villa's. As a matter of fact, Villa's hand is "chunky." There is nothing "chunky" about Ben Cole. Villa actually looks like one of my partners that I will introduce to you in a moment. Our job around here is to protect Villa's home and his friends. Occasionally we get the opportunity to chase elephants and bobbed-tailed lions and "Anonies." We have also protected Ronnie Duke Bigalow from the Memphis 30 when they tried to drown him in the Blog Town pond for hurling on them. That was the roughest duty we ever had and also the smelliest. Now I will introduce you to Calvin, Luther and Springsteen.

Next there is Springteen, Villa often calls him "the Boss" because he has such powerful jaws. Springsteen and I often work together. We are in such harmony that when Villa calls us it sounds something like "Bruce, Springsteen." We know that when he calls us it is time to "rock and roll."

Then there is Luther. Many say Luther looks like Villa and Villa looks like Luther. They both have the same build. Their hair is about the same color and as you can see Luther can blend into most any terrain. Villa has the same qualities. They also have the same jaw line. The late Dr. Adrian Rogers once compared Villa to Luther because they look so much alike and have the same personality. Luther is the most vocal when we eat. He is good at "Table Talk." One final thing about Luther is once he bites down on something, he never lets go. It does not matter if it is a steak or the fender of a Pontiac, he just keeps hanging on. He is like that old saying, "he won't let go until it thunders" well, Luther doesn't hear thunder.

Finally I introduce you to Calvin. We all agree that Calvin is the toughest dog that Villa Rica owns. He has fought many battles and has always won. It is as if he was predestined to defeat any "German" Shepard, "Italian" Greyhound, "Spanish" Mastiff, or any pack of mongrels that have ever attacked him. Calvin speaks volumes with just a look. It is by his "institutes" that we work together. The four of us know Villa Rica. We promise you that Ben Cole is not our master, but beware for Villa has promised Ben Cole that we shall accompany him to Greensboro and shall be under his constant command to carry messages or messengers. It matters not to us. Villa says to drop by his place anytime to check us out. He said that he will take you to Local Cafe and buy you a cup of High Test and a ham and onion sandwich. We will wait by the door because Merle always gives us the bones from his BBQ.

So, my anonymous friends, here is the evidence that Ben Cole is not Villa Rica for anyone who raises bulldogs would know that Ben Cole's apartment is not large enough for the four of us and him.

Dorcas, Villa told me to confess to you that it was me, Luther, Calvin and Springsteen that ate your computer. We are sorry and we offer to serve as security to you also in Greensboro as pay back for the loss of your computer.

To our "new" friend in Kingsport, Tennessee, we may stop by and see you. Villa said he wants to buy your lunch at SKOBY'S. Ain't technology great. :-)

Bruce

The Hunt Begins

2006-06-04T12:14:00.000-07:00

Suddenly and without warning mysterious bounty hunters have started to appear in Blog Town making bold statements about Ben "Rooster Cogburn" Cole. These are three of the notorious "Anonymous Brothers" who are known throughout the west as violent "ambushers" and "back shooters."

They brag that they have come to silence the fastest pen west of the Mississippi.

They have called him a skunk and stated that he writes with too much flair for this neck of the woods. The plan is to "draw down" on his computer and cell phone and put "Rooster" out of business once and for all.

Can peaceful, little Blog Town survive?

What will happen? Only time will tell.

Villa Rica

Blog Town's Most Wanted Blogger

2006-06-01T21:08:00.000-07:00

Wanted Dead or Alive

Ben (Rooster Cogburn) Cole

Reward: Two Trusteeships

on the

Boards of Your Choice

This Bounty is Issued This Day

June 2, 2006

by the

Power Boys Gang of the SBC

Elephants in Blog Town

2006-05-20T13:21:00.000-07:00

Several of us were walking toward the big white tent that Ben Cole had set up across the street from Local Cafe and the Blog Town courthouse. We had been to the courthouse to listen in on Dorcas Hawker as she represented Merle in a civil suit against Roscoe Bigalow. If you have been keeping up with the Blog Town news then you know Roscoe's boy, Ronnie Duke, had recently had an eating spree after which he erupted and hurled in the projectile type so badly in Merle's Local Cafe that the EPA shut it down for three weeks due to what is written up as a TOXIC WASTE spill. Dorcas is really taking Roscoe to the "cleaners." She has demanded that Roscoe pay for the same crew that cleaned up the Exxon-Valdez oil spill be hired to clean up the Local Cafe. She also demanded that Roscoe pay to have Blog Town Pond cleaned and re-stocked with fish due to the fact that I along with Tom Ascol had jumped in it after Ronnie Duke hurled on us. The toxic chemical content on our clothes was so great that it killed all the fish and two snapping turtles.

In addition, she demanded for Roscoe to rebuild the Blog Town Cleaners. When Wade took his black suit there to be cleaned after his encounter with Ronnie Duke, Chucky Spurgeon (C.H. Spurgeon's great-grandson) inadvertently lit a cigar too close to the yet to be cleaned suit. The fumes from the suit exploded into flames. Fire quickly spread through out the whole building. Thankfully, all of the employees escaped without harm. The building, though, was a complete loss. Chucky and Wade escaped, but Chucky's beard was scorched and the smell was awful. Strangely, Wade did not have one hair out of place. "Neither was his coat changed, nor the smell of fire has passed on him." It seems Wade always comes out of the fire well. Remember my story: WHY WADE SHALL PREVAIL IN SHINAR.

As we were going into the tent, I told Art Rogers, that the next time I get into trouble, I am going to get Dorcas Hawker to defend me since Johnny Cochrane had died. The odor of ham frying and onions being sauteed sure did smell good as we approached the tent. Ben Cole is not one to let an opportunity slip by him. As soon as Local Cafe closed down for cleaning, Ben put up the tent and started cooking ham and onion sandwiches plus other Blog Town favorites such as Boloney Burgers, Spam Topped Pizzas and B-B-Q. He also serves High-test coffee, Sanka and has even rented a Latte machine for the college crowd. He said that he was actually thankful for Ronnie Duke because this had given him an opportunity to make some extra money to help cover his cell phone bill and travel expenses.

Just last night we had a "send off party" for Wes Kenny and Jeff Richard Young. They are on their way to Albuquerque to continue fasting and praying for the IMB trustee meeting. They are really serious about this thing. They have decided to walk from Blog Town to Albuquerque in robes that they borrowed from some Franciscan Monks. They wanted to retain the look of an intellectual so rather than wearing sandals they bought some two toned, tasseled loafers like Marty Duren wears. It certainly works for him so why wouldn't it work for them also?

Just about the whole gang was under the tent, eating, drinking and having a great time. I was drinking High-test, eating a ham and onion sandwich and reading the Washington Post. Kevin Bussey was sitting with me. He was drinking a Latte from a gallon paint bucket that Ben had gotten just for him and eating a 32 oz. BBQ Spam sandwich. He was also reading a biography of Bear Bryant. Over at another table were Wade and a new guy who has been visiting with him. His name is Brad Reynolds. They were debating about a sign that Brad wanted to put up at the entrance of the tent. Brad wanted the sign to read; RONNIE DUKE BIGALOW IS NOT ALLOWED IN THIS TENT.

Wade kept saying; "As long as he does not eat too much he should be allowed in the tent." Brad was relentless. He stated; " That boy should not be allowed to eat in this tent. Frankly, I don't believe that he should be allowed to eat the way that he does even in the privacy of his own home. He should only be allowed to eat that which will keep him for hurling such an "unknown substance." "I believe that we should send a committee over to the Bigalow home and tell them what is and is not acceptable for Ronnie Duke to have as a food source."

Marty Duren and Art Rogers were at another table discussing the ethics of plugging one's post on another person's blog site. Jason Sampler was on his cell phone talking to Joe Kennedy about a book he was reading by F. W. Krummacher. It was an exceptional day for the gang. The great Gene M. Bridges was also there. He was eating a Boloney Burger, drinking high test while reading two books, a newspaper and the Founder's Journal. In addition, he was typing on his laptop and talking on his cell phone with Oprah Winfrey, no less, explaining to her that her theology was way beyond the boundaries of Orthodox Christianity. He was able to do all of this at the same time without even having to use a napkin. That man is amazing.

CB Scott was standing in front of a mirror which Ben had mounted on a tent pole and trying to get his hair to stay in position like Tom Hanks' hair in the Da Vinci Code. I was really beginning to feel sorry for the poor guy because it just wasn't working.

Suddenly, Merle yelled from outside the tent for us all to come outside.

(Merle was outside the tent because he had been told by Brad that since he was a Nazarene, he needed to get his own tent. He tried to explain to Brad that the very land where Ben's tent stood belonged to him and that even though tents came and went the land was permanent. His explanation was to no avail.)

As everyone went outside you would not believe what we saw. There was the biggest tractor that John Deere makes parked in front of the tent. Hitched to it was a flat bed trailer that was at least sixty feet long. The tractor and the trailer, however, were not the thing of amazement. It was their contents. Upon the front end of the trailer was an elephant and at the back end of the trailer there was another elephant. And in the middle of the trailer there was a cage which contained an African Lion with a bobbed-tail. Up in the cab of the tractor sat Dr. Bob Rambo. Dr. Rambo was the pastor of Tobacco Barn Road Baptist Church (TBRBC). Along beside him, driving the tractor was Rufus Bigalow. Sitting upon the head of the elephant that was on the back of the trailer was none other than little Ronnie Duke Bigalow eating a bag of Fig Newtons.

Dr. Rambo and Rufus got down out of the tractor. They both were grinning from ear to ear. CB Scott looked at Dr Rambo and asked; "Where did you get those elephants?" Rufus answered before Dr Rambo could. He said; "I got them at a foreclosure sale of a bankrupt circus." "Where did you get the lion?" asked Jason Sampler. "And where is his tail?" chimed in Marty.

Rufus looked sheepishly down at the ground. "Go ahead and tell them." said Dr Rambo. Rufus said; " You remember when I gave that $500,000.00 to RBTS (Really Big Theological Seminary)? Everyone said, "Yes." "Well," continued Rufus, "The president of RBTS invited me to go on an African Safari with him. We went and had a good time, but there was one problem. President Bishop shot at a lion and well, he sort of hit the lion and missed him at the same time. He ended up shooting the lion's tail off right at his hind parts. That lion must have gotten an adrenalin rush when that happened, cause he took off and out ran a Land Rover going over a hill. President Bishop never got off another shot. We were able to retrieve the tail though and he has it in his office. It is attached to the pull cord of the ceiling fan."

"How did you get the lion, Rufus?" asked Gene M. "Well, PETA caught the lion and brought it back to the states. I found out about it and promised them that my wife would chain herself to a Japanese whaling ship if they would sell it to me. They agreed, so here we are and my wife is on her way to Japan."

"What do you plan to do with these animals?" asked Art. Dr Rambo said; "I can answer that one. TBRBC is going to use them for evangelism and outreach. I got the idea from a church in the next county. They have a baptismal pool shaped like a Harley Davidson motor cycle. Everytime they baptize someone flames shoot out of the tail pipes when the baptismal candidate comes up out of the water. They have had great results with youth outreach. An added bonus that they had not expected was that last year alone they baptized 863 Hell's Angels. Some of them were baptized 3 times when the church had Rayley Plith for revival."

"We are going to put a baptismal pool in a circus ring outside TBRBC in the parking lot. We are going to add a little extra excitement to the event. Before the baptismal candidate steps into the pool the elephants are going to spray water on them from their trunks. Kind of like a pre-baptismal ceremony. After the candidate is actually baptized and comes up from the water then the lion will roar just like the one does at the beginning of those Hollywood movies."

There was a long silence within the whole group. Finally, Gene M. Bridges said; "Dr. Rambo will you come in the tent? I want to buy you a Latte and talk to you for a moment." Rufus said; "I am hungry after that long trip. Let's all go in and I will buy everyone some ice cream." Ronnie Duke started to jump off the elephant. Ben saw him and yelled; "Ronnie Duke, how many Fig Newtons have you had?" Two bags, this one is my third." Ben looked at Rufus and said; "Ronnie Duke has to stay out of the tent today." Rufus agreed and told his nephew to stay upon the elephant and he would bring him some ice cream later.

Everyone went into the tent. Ben started serving everyone their orders. Ice cream would come later for desert. It was about this time that my four bulldogs, Calvin, Luther, Bruce and Springsteen got out of the fence and came walking down the road toward the tent. When Luther saw the lion, he went nuts. He charged the trailer. Bruce, Springsteen and Calvin quickly followed after him. The bulldogs started to climb up on the trailer. Ronnie Duke yelled at the dogs to leave his lion alone. He started throwing Fig Newtons at them. He saw this wasn't stopping them so he started to climb down off the elephant to defend his lion from my bulldogs. He got off the elephant's head onto the top of the lion's cage. As he started down the cage, he stepped on the latch on the cage door. The door fell open. The bulldogs started in after the lion and the lion came out after the bulldogs. A great fight started. Then the lion saw an opening on the tent. He probably thought it was a cave.

You guessed it, He ran into the tent with the bulldogs right behind him and Ronnie Duke right behind them. Marty and Art saw them coming first. Marty started to jump over the grill. Art grabbed him and said; Not this time." Art took out his Swiss Army knife and cut right through the tent and he, Marty, and Jason Sampler along with Rufus went right out through the hole.

The lion jumped upon the table where Kevin and I were. He tried to take a bite of Kevin's BBQ. Kevin hit him with his hockey stick, grabbed his BBQ and Latte and started out the door. I said, "Now you have made him mad." I started out after Kevin. The lion clawed at me and ripped my fishing vest and knocked off my FREE WADE baseball cap. My bulldogs came to the rescue and took up my offence with the lion. As I went out the door of the tent I grabbed Ronnie Duke, put my hand firmly over his mouth and ran as fast as I could.

Gene M Bridges and Bob Rambo never moved. They were so deep in conversation that it was the next day before they realized what had happened.

Ben and CB were the last ones out of the tent before it fell in. Ben came around the counter and jumped on CB's back and reminiscent of Forest Gump, yelled "RUN, CB, RUN." CB realized that he now had a true opportunity to be like Tom Hanks. He shot out of the tent faster than Elijah ran to Jezreel.

The lion must have been hungry. He took off after them because Ben smelled like ham, Spam and onions. (What could smell better?) The bulldogs were running after them all. They headed in the directions of Greensboro. ABP picked up the story and naturally got it wrong. Due to the fact that CB had been letting his hair grow out to look like Tom Hanks and he was running so fast the ABP news reporter saw his hair flowing in the wind and mistook him as an old white maned lion with a monkey on his back being chased by a younger bobbed-tailed lion and four bulldogs, all headed toward Greensboro.

The news was picked up by the RBTS staff. They told President Bishop. President Bishop grabbed his big game rifle and said; "Let's go." "Two lions and an ape on the way to Greensboro will be the beginning of a good day."

Disclaimer: Again, I must remind all readers that this parable is just for fun. Sometimes we need to laugh at ourselves. As Villa Rica, my goal is just that-- for us to get away from the seriousness of life for just one moment and grin in spite of it all.

I truly love everyone mentioned or alluded to in this story, if not I would not dare to mention them.

Villa Rica

The Memphis 30 Visit Blog Town

2006-05-05T12:56:00.000-07:00

I was sitting in the Local Cafe yesterday drinking my high test and eating a ham and onion sandwich. Gathered at the table with me were Pastor Bob Rambo of TBRBC and YP (the young plumber we are trying to get re-instated with the denomination. He had been sent home from the foreign field for working with CMA plumbers to install new water facilities in regions that had never had facilities of any kind much less the "Good New" kind. His Regional Director had told him he could not work with anyone who had not MARKED his LAND with our denomination only. YP questioned this and was sent home, branded as unfit to plumb for us anymore.) Also with us was Roscoe Bigalow and his son, Ronnie Duke. They had been to a Little League game and were celebrating with hot fudge cake and ice cream. I was eyeing Ronnie Duke with a worried eye. He had already eaten three peices and was working on the fourth. He was turning a pale shade of green but not slowing down at all. He had fudge all over his face and running down his Little League uniform.

I love eating ham and onion sandwiches, especially the way Merle makes them here at the Local Cafe. I was having trouble, though, eating with Ronnie Duke sitting across from me. I kept having visions of a chocolate volcano erupting.

Another negative was the fact that Kevin Bussey was "piled up" in the booth where I usually hold court. He had his hockey stick with him which he carries everywhere he goes to remind people not to be hypocrites. He was drinking a latte from Merle's new machine. In addition to that he was eating Merle's famous 32 ounce BBQ sandwich. He had BBQ sauce all over his face.

This just hurt the joy of eating my ham and onion sandwich even more. He was also being eyed by three people in the booth with him with great distain. Dorcas Hawker, Wes Kenney and Jeff R. Young were with him but they were not eating. They were fasting for the IMB meeting in Albuquerque, New Mexico. They were just drinking water. Kevin would look up from his BBQ and grin through the sauce from time to time and say: "I promise I am starting my fast on Monday." With that said; he chewed off another bite of BBQ and grinned again. Sister Dorcas said she was thinking about suing him for assault with a food substance. Jeff asked her if that was possible and Wes said; "Legal or not, just do it." I chimed in with Wes and said; "I will pay the legal fees, just do it." I looked back at Ronnie Duke and decided to give up on my sandwich.

I decided I had better leave, before Ronnie Duke exploded and go over to the Triablogue Theological Library to read for awhile. I picked up my copy of the Washington Post and started for the door after leaving a ten spot on the counter for Merle.

To my surprise in walked Art Rogers, Marty Duren, Wade Burleson, Ben Cole, Tom Ascol, RoyHargove, C B Scott, Jason Sampler, Wiley Drake and other folks. The group of 30 included both men and women. I had expected to see Art, Marty, Wade and Ben due to the fact that they all live on the same street in Blog Town that I do. I sometimes see these other folkes from time to time in my travels and I have always enjoyed the fresh brilliance of Wiley Drake at the annual Convention. He is always on the cutting edge of ministry and has probably handed out more "cups of cold water" in the name of Jesus than anyone I know.

I said hello to these folks and so did all the others that were already there with the exception of Ronnie Duke who was asking his daddy to buy him some Baby Ruth candy bars because he felt that they would make him hit more home runs.

I thought to myself; "Babe Ruth in all his indulgence never ate like this kid."

Merle asked the new comers for their orders. Ben Cole asked for a Latte with about a dozen additives in it. Merle mumbled something about "another hippie freak" as he wrote down the order. Ben started to respond to Merle but C B Scott rapped him on the head and said,"Remember all of the repenting you did in Memphis." Everyone gave an order except a couple of guys who told Merle that he could just give them whatever was pre-ordained for them to have. Merle never missed a beat and said; "Look, I am a Nazarene, therefore, I live day by day. Nothing is pre-ordained here except a 14" frying pan if people give me problems, so just give me a proper order. What will it be?"

At this point, Wade said to me; " Villa, what did you have?" "I had a ham and onion sandwich. Merle makes the best ones in the USA." Wade looked at Merle and said; "Merle, let me, in the spirit of cooperation, order a ham and onion sandwich for everyone in the place." Wes, Sister Dorcas and Jeff declined the offer due to their fast. Kevin said, "Sure and put some BBQ sauce on mine, Merle." With that he grinned at those in his booth. They glared back and Sister Dorcas promised to have him in court within 30 days.

Ronnie Duke walked over to Wade and asked; "Sir, may I have one also?" Wade smiled and said; "Sure son, there is room at the table for a Little Leaguer also." I looked at Wade and said; "Wade, you know not what you do."

Merle served everyone with the exception of Sister Dorcas, Wes, Jeff and me. Everyone was eating ham and onion sandwiches and drinking sweet tea except for Ben Cole who was drinking a Latte with his sandwich. Merle served him last and mumbled something about "hippies" while putting his food on the table. I could not hold out any longer, so I asked them how the Memphis Summit had gone. Art stated that they had developed what they called the "Memphis Declaration." Basically, as a group, they committed to repent of their sin against any and all to whom they have wrongly offended. Specifically, they repented toward God for failing Him in being what He had called them to be.

I looked at them and questioned; "No motions, No resolutions, No sermons, No call for terminations of officers, No nominations, not even one?" "No, not one" said Marty Duren.

"You just repented and called for accountability?" "Yes" responded several of the group.

"Praise the Lord," I said. "That is what I have been seeking for a long time. We need to repent in both an individual and corporate fashion before the Lord. How about we all pray right now? Let's just have a prayer meeting right here. Let's pray that YP is re-instated so he can plumb and work with the people he needs to in order to get the job done."

Merle came across the counter and said; "I will join you if you don't mind praying with a Nazarene." Tom said; "Sure, no problem." Wiley chimed in with; "I pray with all kinds of people everyday. I can pray with you, Merle."

What a prayer meeting we had. It reminded me of a Brush Arbor meeting. Just as Wade, Marty and Ben were trying to determine who was going to be the last "A-mener," you guessed it. Ronnie Duke began to "HURL CHUNKS OF THE PROJECTILE TYPE."

Jeff hit the door first, but stopped and said "after you Sister Dorcas." Sister Dorcas looked back at Roscoe Bigalow and said, "I am going to sue you for loading a lethal weapon in a public place, Roscoe."

Ben, Marty and Art jumped over the counter and out of a window over the grill. As Art went over the grill he scorched his backside and sang out, "I knew I should not have imitated Elvis while in Memphis by singing: Hunka, Hunka, Burning Love. This must be a judgment on me." Tom, C B, Jason, and Roy went out the side door. C B looked at Tom and said; "Surely, this was not pre-ordained." Tom said; "I will address this later in THE FOUNDERS JOURNAL, right now I have got to get a bath." Wes and everybody else went out the front door behind Jeff. Kevin Bussey came out last with Wade's plate in his hand . He said; "Wade, if you are not going to eat this, can I have it?" Wade said; "Kevin, in the most willing spirit of cooperation that I have ever uttered let me say, you may have not only my sandwich but also my french fries."

The only people left in the Local Cafe were Ronnie Duke who was continuing to hurl chuncks of onion, ham, Baby Ruths, hot fudge cake and ice cream; Roscoe who was trying to catch him and Merle who was chasing both Bigalows with his frying pan.

Ben Cole in his ever present refusal to be defeated by anything gathered the group together. He stated; "brothers and sisters we have just been persecuted by a chunking, projectiling, demon dressed in a Little League uniform, spewing filth and abomination at us all. Let me declare here and now that this is the second Diaspora. Let us go forth from Blog Town and share not only the results of the Memphis Summit but also the fact that persecution has already begun even before we got home from Memphis. Let us not be fearful. We must shout from the roof tops: 'Repent one and all for we are certainly soiled.' Now, someone give me a paper towel."

The reason for the above parable is just to have fun. I do not believe that having fun is sinful as long as it is clean and wholesome.

Let me also say, I am more than joyful with the results of the work of the Memphis 30 during the Memphis Summit. Our need in the SBC is repentance both individually and corporately. I have been saying this constantly since starting my blog. I, for one, am happy with the outcome and praising God. The Memphis 30 are my heroes. They did what they did knowing they would receive grief from friend and foe alike, but did it anyway. I hope what they did is repeated throughout the whole SBC.

When you get a chance come by my place in Blog Town and I will take you down to the Local Cafe and buy you a ham and onion sandwich, right after Merle gets the place cleaned up, that is.

Villa Rica

The Bigalow Bop - Do You Have Your Invitation?

2006-04-30T21:59:00.000-07:00

After the fight with Bob Rambo, the Pastor of TBRBC, Rufus and Roscoe Bigalow decided they were still going to give $500,000.00 to RBTS so they could get on a board of trustees.

They moved their membership from TBRBC to a church out of Blog County.

They joined BTBC (Big Time Baptist Church).

They decided to throw a party for people on boards and agencies of the denomination. You can only get an invitation if you have served more than once as a committe member or trustee. You also qualify for an invitation if your church has more than one person to serve on a committee or board or if you have two or more people in your family serving. It also helps to have the right connections.

The following people have made the cut and are on the guest list for the BIGALOW BOP.

What a party it shall be.

Disclaimer: This listing constitutes no attack on the character or integrity of any name mentioned. Motivation for these nominations may need to be examined. No attempt has been made to list source connections for these nominations. The reader will be left to their own research, but the connections are legion and known to many.

The Group from Capitol Hill Baptist Church, Washington, DC
Thabiti Anyabwil – Committee on Committees 2006
Kevin Hsu – Committee on Committees 2006
John Ingold – Golden Gate term ending 2011
Connie Brown – Southeastern Seminary term ended 2005
Christ Bruce – NAMB term ended 2004
Laura Ruth Bryant – Baptist World Alliance term ended 2005
Randy Burkholder – Ethics and Religious Liberty term ended 2005
Mark Devers – Southern Seminary term ended 2005
Andrew Johnson – Executive Committee term ended 2004
J Sebastian Traeger – Executive Committee term to end 2008
Matt Dummermuth – Southeastern Seminary term to end 2010
Ryan Townsen - Committee on Nominations 2003-04
Michael Lawrence - Committee on Committees 2003
Andrew Johnson - Committee on Nominations 2002-03
Brad Wheeler - Committee on Committees 2002
Matt Schmucker - Committee on Nominations 2000-01
Sebastian J Traeger - Committee on Nominations 1999-00
Depak Reju - Committee on Committees 2000
Michael Law, Jr. - Committee on Nominations 2005-06
Patrick Talyer - Committee on Nominations 2005-06
John Folmer - Committee on Committees 2005
Michael McKinley - Committee on Committees 2005
Kurt Heath - Committee on Nominations 2004-05
Jeremy Young Committee on Committees 2004

The Group from First Baptist Church Kenai, Alaska
Jean Pesnell - Committee on Committees 1997
Suzanne Davidson - Committee on Nominations 2004-05
Shelia Bierdeman - Committee on Nominations 2000-01
John Nichols - Committee on Committees 2000
Dean Nichols - Committee on Committees 2004
Dean Nichols - Executive Committee term ends 2006
Mary Nichols - IMB term ends 2006 moving to Texas

The Group from Beulah Baptist Church, Douglasville, GA
Wayne Bray – Committee on Committees 2006
V Wayne Rogers – New Orleans Seminary – Term ended 2004
Danny E Watters – Annuity Board – Term ended 2005

The Group from First Baptist Eustis, Florida
Kellie Kitchings – Committee on Committees – 2006
Deb Linares – Credentials Committee – 2006
Pedro Linares – Credentials Committee – 2006
Hoyt Skip Haymans – LifeWay term to end 2006

The Group from Applewood Baptist Church Wheat Ridge, CO
Steve Evans – Ethics and Religious Liberty term ended 2005
Calvin Wittman – Executive Committee term ended 2005
Calvin Wittman - Resolutions Committee 2004
Calvin Wittman - Resolutions Committee 2003
Jerry Todd Neal - Committee on Nominations 2005-06
Bob Kuntz - Committee on Committees 2005
David Strange - IMB term to end 2009
Jerry Newman - Committee on Nominations 2004-05
Julie Parr - Committee on Committees 2004
James Wagstaff Committee on Committees 2004
Peggy Oxford - Committee on Committees 1997
John Rayburn - Committee on Nominations 2003-04
Jennifer Zebel - Committee on Committees 2003
Bevan Deardorff - Golden Gate Seminary term to end 2008
John M Rayburn - Committee on Nominations 2002-2003
Thomas Devenish - Committee on Committees 1999

The Group from First Baptist Church Haysville, KS
Pat Hudson – Southeastern Seminary term to end 2011
Charles Hollingsworth – Executive Committee term ended 2005
Phillip Graves – IMB term to end 2006

The Group from Immanuel Baptist Church Wichita, KS
Terry Fox – NAMB term ended 2003
Faye Graves – Committee on Order of Business term ended 2004

The Group from Highview Baptist Church Louisville, KY
John Boone – Southern Seminary term ended 2004
Kevin Ezel – Midwestern Seminary term to end 2006
Kevin Ezel -Chair Committee on Committees 2001
Mrs. Kevin Ezel - Committee on Nominations 2005-06
Randall McGee – Southern Seminary term to end 2007
Norman Coe – IMB term to end 2008

The Group from Florida Blvd Baptist Church, Baton Rouge, LA
Tova Hutson – NAMB term to end 2010
Barbara Nylin – LifeWay term to end 2010
Stephen Trammell - Committee on Committees 2005

The Group from Mt Airy Baptist Church Mt Airy, MD
Daniel Schrider – Southwestern Seminary term ended 2004
Keith Vincent – Committee on Committees 2006
John Sadowski - Committee on Nominations 2004-05

The Group from Harmony Baptist Church Crystal Springs, MS
Glenn Miles – Southern Seminary term to end 2006
Thomas Michael Webb – LifeWay term ended 2005

The Group from First Baptist Church Jackson, MS
Eddie Kinchen – Credential Committee 2006
William T Patterson – Annuity Board term ended 2003

The Group from Hickory Grove Baptist Church Charlotte, NC
Stephen Rummage – Executive Committee term to end 2010
David Wagoner – Southeastern Seminary term to end 2008
Elmer J Dryden - Southeastern Semnary term ended 2003
Elmer J Dryden - Committee on Nominations 2005-06
Mary Dodd - Credentials Committee 2005
Wiley Martin - Committee on Committees 2005

The Group from Lawndale Baptist Church Greensboro, NC
Barry Hartis – Executive Committee term to end 2008
Donna Nealy – IMB term to end 2008
JoAnn Hampton - Committee on Nominations 2003-04

The Group from Calvary Baptist Church Winston-Salem, NC
Henry Alton Gilbert – Executive Committee term to end 2008
Henry Williamson – Southeastern Seminary term to end 2006

The Group from Trinity Baptist Church Schenectady, NY
T Van McClain – Southwestern Seminary term ended 2005
David Shackelford – Southeastern Seminary term ended 2004
John Mulligan – Annuity Board term to end 2006

The Group from Liberty Heights Baptist Church West Chester, OH
Terry Fields – Executive Committee term ended 2005
Kim Robinson – Southern Seminary term ended 2005

The Group from Peach Bottom, PA
Terry Douglas – New Orleans Seminary term to end 2009
Terry Douglas - Committee on Nominations 2001-02
Troy Lee Massey – New Orleans Seminary term ended 2004
Richard Welch – Annuity Board term ended 2005
Michael Strike - Committee on Nominations 2003-04
Mary Gervais - Committee on Committees 2003

The Group from First Baptist Church Euless, TX
James Richards – Baptist World Alliance term ended 2005
Don R O’Neal – Southwestern Seminary term to end 2008
Claude Thomas - Chairman of the Executive Committee 1999
Claude Thomas - Chairman of the Executive Committee 2000
Claude Thomas - Executive Committee term ended 2005
Wayne Lee - Committee on Nominations 2004-05

The Group from First Baptist Church Dallas, TX
Debora Brunson – IMB term to end 2006
Michael Deahl – Lifeway term to end 2010
Todd Edwards – IMB term to end 2010
Jack Smith – Southwestern Seminary term to end 2007
Jack Progue - Committee on Committees 2003

The Group from Prestonwood Baptist Church, Plano, TX
Jack Graham – Executive Committee term to end 2008
Ron Cherry – Southeastern Seminary term to end 2006
James David Caldwell – Executive Committee term to end 2008
Penna Dexter – Ethics and Religious Liberty term to end 2008
Ronald Muff – Annuity Board term to end 2007
Matthew Suber - Teller Committee 2005
J Keet Lewis - Committee on Nominations 2003-04
J Keet Lewis - Committee on Committees 2000

The Andersons - Clearwater Florida
Carol – Executive Committee term ended 2004
Bill – Executive Committee term ended 2005

The Caffeys -Hillcrest Baptist Church, Martinsville, VA
Fred B – LifeWay term ended 2005
Fred B – Southern Seminary term ended 1999

The Currences -First Baptist Church of Ozark, MO
Don- Credentials Committee – 2006
Donald – New Orleans Seminary term to end 2011

The Davis- from Kingsland Baptist Church, Chester VA
Jim – Committee on Committees 2006
James T – Executive Committee term ends 2010

The Greers - Durham NC
JD - BWA term ended 2005
JD - Teller Committee 2005

The Johnsons -Louisville, Kentucky now in Texas
Jerry- Southern Seminary term ended 1999
Jerry – Committee on Order of Business term ended 2001
Jerry – Committee on Order of Business term ended 2004

The Lewis - Bethel Baptist Troy, IL
Tim - Committee on Nominations 2003-04
Tim - Southeastern Seminary Term will end 2006

The Linares- Eustis Florida
Deb – Credentials Committee 2006
Pedro – Credentials Committee 2006

The Linos- Humble and Kingwood Texas
Nathan – IMB term will end 2010
Nathan – Teller Committee 2006
David – LifeWay term will end 2010

The Nichols - First Baptist Church Kenai, Alaska
Dean – Executive Committee – term to end 2006
Dean - Committee on Committees 2004
Mary – IMB – term to end 2006
John - Committee on Committees 2000

The Pinckneys – Alexandria Virginia
T C – Resolutions Committee
T C – Committee on Order of Business 2003
T C - Second VP 2001
T C – Baptist Faith and Message Study Committee

The Presslers - First Baptist Church, Houston TX
Paul – Executive Committee 84-91
Paul – IMB 92-2000
Paul – First VP 2002
Paul- Baptist World Alliance – Term ended 2005
Nancy - Resolutions Committee 2000
Jean Visy - Committee on Committees 1997

The Shrums- Inglewood Baptist Church, Nashville TN
Kevin – Credentials Committee 2006
Kevin – Midwestern Seminary term to end 2011

The Whittens -Idlewild Baptist Church, Tampa Florida
Ken – IMB term ended 2005
Kenneth – Committee on Order of Business term ended 1999

The Williams - Marble Valley Baptist Church, Rutland Vermont
Eugene- Committee on Committees 2006
Rhonda- Credentials Committees 2006

This is not an exhaustive list, but it is sufficient to show a need for change in the process by which we choose trustee and committee members within the SBC.

Surely, out of over 46,000 SBC churches and missions, we should have more people who could serve just as competently yet from a broader representation of Southern Baptist churches.

Villa Rica

The Bigalow Brothers and The Pastor

2006-04-25T10:36:00.000-07:00

Two days ago I watched the biggest fight I have seen since Verdale Scruggs and Mazelene Weddingskif went at it with axe handles and razors over who was going to marry Sweet Eddie Ludbar. The event went as follows:

I was working on my second cup of high test in Local Cafe and reading the Washington Post. I was planning to drink one more cup and go down to the hardware store and buy Mazelene and Sweet Eddie a wedding gift. I thought a new axe handle might be good since Mazelene had broken her old one over Verdale Scruggs' head in the fight to win the hand of Sweet Eddie.

The screen door flies open and in walks my second blessing, tongues talking plumber friend and with him, to my surprise, was Young Plumber that my denomination had sent to the foreign field to build new facilities for an "unfacilitated" people group. SBTTPF said: (SBTTPF is short for second blessing tongues talking plumber friend) "Villa we want to see you for a minute if you have time." "Sure, I can spare some time. I have nothing to do but go to the hardware store and buy Mazelene an axe handle." "That's what I got her, too" said SBTTPF. "Well, I am going to get her one anyway. She will probably need it if Sweet Eddie tries to sneak off." I said. "What are you doing back in the states, YP?" (YP is short for Young Plumber) YP told me he had been sent home by his Regional Director because he had gone to a very remote place to help a plumber from another denomination to build a new water facility. "That's what we want to talk to you about, Villa," said SBTTPF. "Me and YP are thinking about going back over there and putting in them new water facilities ourselves." "We were wondering if you and some of your friends would help finance the venture?" I looked at YP and then back at SBTTPF and said: "Sit down boys and let's talk about it."

As we were talking, in walked the pastor of Tobacco Barn Road Baptist Church. He did not have on his usual preacher attire. He had on a new "shark skin" suit, ox blood colored, alligator shoes with a matching belt. He had gold cuff links. There was tie pin of pure gold in the middle of his tie shaped like a Bible with the letters KJV stamped right in the middle of it. The suit was black and the tie was red. To top this off he was carrying an oxblood brief case that another alligator had given his life for. He walked up to the counter and aske Merle to give him a Latte. Merle growled back at him saying; "I have told you for eight years that we only sell high test and Sanka if you prefer decaf. If you want that other mess you will have to go down to Local College where them hippies and west coast imported teachers get theirs." "Ok, Ok, Merle." "Give me a decaf. and that can of Carnation Milk in the cooler and I will make my own as usual:" stated the pastor as he settled down at the table next to our booth. I noticed the pastor eyeing my outfit again as he usually did when our paths happened to cross. I had on my baseball cap that said "Free Wade" and my t-shirt that said "Vote Art Rogers for Mayor of Blog Town." On my fishing vest I have a great big button that says "Marty's Soup Kitchen Feeds Best. " He was really staring hard at the book I had on the table. It was entitled: "Ill Gotten Gain" By Benjamin Cole and Dorcas Hawker and edited by Kevin Bussey.

Just about the time I was going to comment on the pastor's new suit in walked the Bigalow brothers. We were all shocked because both of them had on Navy blazers and their orange ties with an emblem of a tobacco leaf in the middle. Under the leaf is written Bigalow Tobacco Farm, Smoking to Please. Roscoe and Rufus Bigalow owned the largest tobacco farm in Blog county. They were also life-time appointed deacons in Tobacco Barn Road Baptist Church. Rufus was smoking a big cigar. Merle slapped the counter and pointed to the sign on the wall which stated in large print: NO SMOKIN IN HERE, YOU MORON. Rufus pinched off the ash and put the butt in his shirt pocket.

Roscoe was looking at the pastor with pity and asked in his sweetest voice; "Preacher, did your Aunt Vessie Glen finally die?" The pastor stood up and said; "No, of course not. You know Art Rogers or Marty Duren would have put that in the obituaries of both their papers since I am the pastor of Tobacco Barn Road Baptist Church."

Rufus was the most prominent and intelligent of the Bigalow brothers so he quickly chimed in with another question much more to the point. "Then why do you have on that shiny new suit and stuff on Monday morning?" The pastor responded by saying: "If you two fine deacons had been to church in the last two months you would know why and where I am going this morning." "Preacher, you know we have to get our "backer" in from the field. That what pays you to preach for us in the first place."

At this point, I noticed the pastor's jaw tighten up just a little bit. Rufus posed his question again; "So what's the deal preacher?" The pastor responded by saying; " Last month the church voted to decrease our CP giving by 3% so that I can give 1% of the money to be put on the "Distinguished Visitors Panel" at the Big Big Theological Seminary (BBTS). The other 2% will be given to their new building program as a token of our appreciation. That new building will even have a Latte machine in it." That last statement caused Merle to mumble under his breath something about "hippie freaks." I was unable to hear the rest.

At this point Rufus said: " I got some questions. First, did you buy that suit and stuff out of that money?" "And was you planning on talking to ME about spending our money this way?"

The pastor responded by: "No, Rufus, I did not plan to talk to you. It was a church decision and you were not there and you are not the whole church." The pastor followed up with his own question: "Where are you two going with your blue blazers and orange ties? You only wear that to the annual Tobacco Fair every year and that is several months away."

Rufus looked a little uneasy. He said; "We are going to give $500,000.00 to the Really Big Theological Seminary (RBTS) for their new building program. A guy from there visited with us and said that we would both be put on a trustee board of some kind if we gave such a generous gift. We can even have our pick of which board. We are gonna be voted in at the June meeting in San Francisco. I ain't never been there before and I am going along with Roscoe. We are taking the whole family and staying in the Head Quarters Hotel. They already have our rooms reserved".

The Pastor spoke quietly now. He asked; "Is that $500,000.00 the surplus money from your tobacco crop that you have already promised to the Kiki Cherry state mission offering, The Annie Armstrong Home Missions Offering and the Lottie Moon Foreign Missions Offering?" "You also said that you were going to give part of it to extend the children's Sunday School wing of the educational building for Dorcas Hawker's children's division." "Is that the money you are giving to RBTS, Rufus?"

"I reckon it is , preacher, I reckon it is," said Rufus. "You are nothing but a vain, self-serving man Rufus Bigalow," stated the pastor. " That's the fox calling the weasel a chicken thief," responded Rufus.

"Preacher, you still didn't answer what I asked you a minute ago. Did you buy that suit out of the 3% of redirected CP money?"

"No!" answered the pastor. " I traded two of my prized bird dog puppies to Rudy Bell at the Men's Store for everything that I have on. I am an honorable man and would never cheat or go back on my word like you have."

At this point Roscoe, who was a big muscled guy but lacking in brains got into the picture.

He got right in the pastor's face and shouted, "You promised to sell them two puppies to me so I could give them to my boy Ronnie Duke, for his birthday present." "What kind of man of God are you?" "This is going to break my Ronnie Duke's heart."

"BBTS needs that money for the future. I need to make a good impression as I represent Tobacco Barn Road Baptist Church in giving it to them. You can find Ronnie Duke another Bird dog, Roscoe." said the pastor.

Rufus got back into the fray. "You are giving BBTS over $34,000.00 a year if you do this. I just now figgered it up while y'all was talking about them stupid puppies."

Roscoe looked at Rufus and back at the pastor. "Rufus, them puppies ain't stupid and preacher, you promised them to Ronnie Duke and I am going to take that suit and stuff off and away from you right now and take it back to Rudy Bell to get them puppies back for my youngun."

With that said, Roscoe reached a big hand the size of a Virginia ham out to grab the pastor.

Roscoe had forgotten one paragraph in the pastor's resume. Before the pastor became a Christian, he had been a repo man for Quick Rickey's Car Lot, a bar bouncer at Slim Mickey's Saloon and Steakhouse and a skip-chaser (bounty hunter for the poorly educated) for Arlon's Bail Bonds and Laundry Mat.

Before Rosco could grab the pastor, he hit him in the sternum, jack-slapped him on both ears and snap kicked him under the chin. Roscoe fell across the booth between me, SBTTPF and YP. He was praying that the Lord would let him live to see Ronnie Duke grow up and questioning the Lord as to why He had let their church call a demonic for a pastor. Finally, he started uttering something that I thought may be tongues. SBTTPF assured YP and me that it was not. It was just moaning due to pain.

Rufus looked at the pastor and said: "I am gonna get Ronnie Duke's Little League bat out of the truck and beat you to death, preacher. You have probably done killed my little brother and ruined my trip to RBTS.

The pastor just stood and waited calmly in the middle of the floor. Roscoe continued to pray about a demon invading his life and church. He finally slid into the floor and continued to pray and moan.

Rufus came running back into Local Cafe. He had a Little League bat raised over his left shoulder. Without warning, Merle jumped over the counter and hit Rufus square in the face with a 14 inch round iron frying pan. Rufus looked strange and tried to get the cigar from his shirt pocket and put it in his mouth. He did not make it. Merle hit him again and pointed to the sign on the wall that stated: NO SMOKIN IN HERE, YOU MORON.

Rufus fell in the floor, he was knocked out cold as a "tater."

Strange, the things we forget about about the people we see every day. You see: Merle had served long ago with the Navy Seal Team 6.

Merle said; "I ain't gonna have nobody beatin up no preacher in my place with no bat, no time."

With that he grinned at the pastor and said, "I think I will put a little Latte machine in here in your honor, preacher."

The pastor said; "You know, I think, maybe, the church should rethink that 3%. Our missionaries need it and our preacher boys need it more than I need to be on the DVP of the BBTS or than the BBTS needs a new building."

"Good for you, pastor, good for you." I said.

Roscoe was beginning to come to. The pastor said, "I will give you the other two bird dog puppies for Ronnie Duke. They are the best ones anyway, Roscoe. Help me and Merle get Rufus into the truck so you and me can take him to Dr. Holiday's office to be checked out."

I looked at SBTTPF and then at YP and said." I will help you guys if necessary, but let's drink one more cup of high test and then go over to my cousin Wade's place and see if we can get YP re-instated. I really believe Cousin Wade is going to be able to help with that even more so, real soon.

Villa Rica

Easter in Blog Town

2006-04-13T12:28:00.000-07:00

Sister Dorcas,

I have not been at home much lately. I did stop by your place a couple of times to help Brother Cole fix a tire on his automobile.

I have been across Blog Town at the Triablogue Theological Library reading great helpings of Brother GeneM. and works from other interesting guys. Those folks are amazing. I took four ham and onion sandwiches, chips and seven diet drinks plus a thermal container of high test from Local Cafe each day I was there. I had a most wonderful time reading those guys.

I just started back home and saw everyone parked in your yard. I also see that Brother Kevin B is starting up the BBQ in your back yard. I am going to clean up, put on a fresh: VOTE ART ROGERS--MAYOR OF BLOG TOWN T- shirt and my baseball cap with FREE WADE embroidered on it, get some sweet onions from my garden and come right down.

I plan to tell you all about what I saw at Local Cafe involving the Bigalow brothers and the pastor of TBRBC next week. I do not want to deal with it now because it is so close to Easter.

I do hope everyone is still going up on the hill where Brothers Wade and Marty erected the big Cross in the Dogwood grove. I have always enjoyed that time wherein we reflect upon the price our Lord paid to save us from death, Hell, and the grave.

We have all sinned and purposely missed God's standard of holiness.

We have all earned death for our sin. Yet, God saw fit to give us the gift of eternal life through Jesus Christ.

O! happy day, when Jesus washed my sins away. There is power in the Blood. The old rugged cross made the difference. He is risen. He is alive.

Come on let's lay everything else aside for a few moments and ya'll help me sing some songs to Jesus. Just pick one and belt out a line. The rest of us will follow. We might just have a revival start right here in Blog Town for Easter. If you want to read a favorite passage, please do so.

Come join us and celebrate Jesus on our side of town. Hey, from any town: just come and join in.

Villa Rica

COFFEE PLUMBERS AND TORT LAWYERS

2006-04-05T19:45:00.000-07:00

At Local Cafe, this morning, I had 3 cups of high test, and an interesting conversation with a plumber about drain cleaners and his memory of receiving the second blessing as evidenced by speaking in tongues.

He was very amazed when I told him that even though he was a very good plumber my denomination would never let him repair plumbing on the foreign field but would most certainly allow him to repair our stopped up facilities state side as long as he gave us a proper ministers' discount. I also informed him that if he was already trying to do plumbing on the foreign field that no plumber that worked for our IMB could help him with his work no matter how great the need or how much better it would be if they could work together.

A young tort lawyer overheard our conversation. He wanted to know why the plumber could fix our old toilets at the IMB in Richmond but could not install new ones in a foreign country, especially due to the fact that many places so desperately need good plumbing.

He questioned the plumber on his qualifications. The plumber told him he was state board certified and had finished head of his class at plumbing and pipe fitting school. He said, very proudly, that he even had an international certification to do new work in countries that did not have established facilities.

I told the tort lawyer that the problem had nothing to do with the plumber's capabilities nor did it have to do with the evident need for new facilities in foreign countries. What is the problem then? the lawyer demanded. I told him that the problem is in the fact that the plumber has openly stated that he has had the second blessing. It has nothing to do with his vast experience, his training, his certification, or his great desire to establish new water works facilities in a foreign land.

The tort lawyer jumped up, left a 10 spot on the table along with today's NEW YORK POST, told us the coffee was on him, and ran out the door yelling back that if he could verify my story he may become more famous than JOHN GRISHAM. I told him to call Art Rogers and Marty Duren. They could verify the story.

The plumber looked at me puzzled. Who is John Grisham, Villa? I think he's a Presbyterian, I answered. What does he have to do with plumbing? Nothing: I answered. OK. Who are these Art and Marty guys? One is an Owl and the other is an Eagle: I answered. Villa!! You are a crazy old Dude, Man. Thanks: I said. I have not heard that in a long time.

Let's have another cup of coffee and read the Post. It is on the lawyer, you know. My plumber friend thought that was a good idea.

Moral of the story: It is amazing how clear things become drinking high test coffee at Local Cafe talking to plumbers and tort lawyers.

Let me add this about coffee. I read the blog of Sister Dorcas earlier in the evening. It seems that someone wants to label her as a hypocrite due to the fact that she spends money on Starbucks coffee and has the audacity to challenge excessive spending in SBC institutions. The Bottom line on that is: Sister Dorcas is a Southern Baptist in a cooperating Southern Baptist church which gives her the perfect right to challenge anything she wants to bring into question.

Anyway, that is how it was intended to be back before the days of thrones, kingdoms, kings, queens, dukes, earls, knights, and knight’s pages.

So in conclusion let me repeat a quote from that famous theologian of an earlier time in American history that would relate well to the one who called Sister Dorcas a hypocrite.
SHE WORKS HARD FOR HER MONEY, SO YOU BETTER TREAT HER RIGHT.
-----------------Donna Sommer-------------------------
Hang in there Sister Dorcas. Those that know, know you are right. Those that do not will soon learn if they so desire.

Villa Rica:

An Open Letter to Brother Joe: "Hey Man and other other old Dudes"

2006-03-30T21:36:00.000-08:00

Brother Joe,

Good to hear from an old guy. We need a lot of old guys. Let me introduce myself to you briefly. I believe that I can call myself missional. I was missional right out of the west coast Jesus Movement. In other words I was missional before missional was cool.

With that brief introduction let me say that the traditional church, especially Baptist and especially Southern Baptist looked at us as weird. We all had long hair. We didn't shave. We were skinny. We played box guitars. And many of us were baptized in the Pacific ocean and some even in the Atlantic. We shared the gospel on the beaches, in coffee houses and even on the street to dopers, bikers, prostitutes and many other social misfits.

Yes many folks in the SBC were scared of us boys because we said "hey man." We said "man" a lot. Later somebody changed it to "dude." I even know some people who got saved after watching Jesus Christ Superstar.

As time went on and life happened we got married, had some kids and some of us went to seminaries and got really big degrees. We got hair cuts, bought suits, got Bibles like Charles Stanley's, learned languages other than our former "Jesus People language." We got out of school and began to pastor churches. Some of us became strong Southern Baptist. Some of us even became independent Baptist. Some of us even joined the Assemblies of God (some say that this was obviously due to the fact that we failed Baptist doctrine classes in seminary and had private prayer languages).

Now we are the establishment. We are so established that we have trained ourselves not to say "hey man" or "dude" and heaven forbid if we were to ever sing kumbyah around a campfire again. Some of us even came back from the Assemblies of God so we could get bigger churches and better benefits through the SBC.

We have become so established that some of us have forgotten how to just love Jesus, be repentant in our lifestyles, love our Brothers and Sisters and share the gospel with lost people regardless of their status in life.

I have determined that it is time for me to get right with Jesus.

I was a "cold fish" for too long. I challenge you to do the same.

Like "hey man" you and I, we need to be righteous "dudes" before the Lord once again.

I think that these young people today have what the SBC needs. They have fire in their hearts, a zeal for righteousness, they love Jesus, they are winning lost people and they are so missional that they are "kickin in the gates of Hell." Their zeal for righteousness is of such that they will go before the Lord and seek Him to restore the SBC. I am just an old cat that is going to go with them (or should I say and old dog and I don't mean a lap dog).

I believe that they are going to do it right. I don't think that they are out for revenge or control. I believe that they are seeking a true change from the hands of God. We need God's blessing so we had better all become repentant and some people need to deal with their personal sins.

Brother Joe, I am praying for you, your family, and your church ministry. Don't be discouraged. God will give us victory if we do things His way. Come help us in Greensboro.

Villa Rica

YPSBC

2006-03-28T20:44:00.000-08:00

Brother Kevin L

I have responded to your questions on my blog. I truly hope you understand my motives if you choose to read it. God bless.

Villa Rica

Echoes of Lee

2006-03-28T06:47:00.000-08:00

R. G. Lee, former pastor of a famous church in Memphis, Tennessee preached a sermon taken from events recorded in I Kings. The Sermon was entitled: Pay Day Some Day.

Roughly the sermon related the story of Ahab and Jezebel, king and queen of the Northern Kingdom (Israel) and their taking of a vineyard from a man named Naboth.

Ahab wanted Naboth's vineyard so he could plant himself a vegetable garden. The vineyard was not too far from the palace. The problem was old Naboth would not sell out his inheritance from his father for the land was of the Lord and his family had been granted the stewardship and watchcare of it.

This hurt Ahab's feelings and he went home and "took on" something fierce and "wallered" around on his bed. He did not even eat his supper.

Jezebel came in and wanted to know what in the world was wrong with him. He told her his feelings were hurt because "dirty old" Naboth would not do what he wanted him to do by selling him his vineyard.

Jezebel chewed him out right proper for his silly behavior. She told him that she would get the vineyard.

(Please understand, I am not calling anyone in the SBC Ahab or Jezebel. They were ungodly and terrible people of which no one in our Convention should or could be compared. Those two devils incarnate were into the sacrifice of children. The SBC has certainly cleaned up its act relating to such things. The resolution on abortion in 1971 is to our shame and disgrace but we have repented and stand strong now. Thank God for such people as Morris Chapman and Richard Land who fought the good fight in that area. Therefore let no one think or say that a comparison of Ahab or Jezebel is being made to any person or persons in the SBC. If you do --"a pox on your house.")

She sent out letters to elders and nobles to throw a party and give Naboth a seat of honor. There was one minor detail that was not to be shared with Naboth. That detail was the two "bully boys" opposite him at the table. At the right time they were to accuse Naboth of blasphemy against God and the King.

That made everyone that was at the party mad and I mean MAD. They took the old boy out of town a little ways and stoned him to death.

(Earnest T. Bass had nothing on these guys when it came to "chunking" rocks at a "feller.")

When Jezebel told Ahab that Naboth was dead, he jumped up and went to the vineyard to start his vegetable garden. (With a Troy-built tiller, no doubt.)

Well, the fun had just started when Elijah came up with a message from God. Strongly paraphrased the message went like this: "You have murdered a fine "feller" and taken his property. In the very same, exact, dead-on spot where the hounds licked up Naboth's blood, dogs will lick up your old nasty blood, too." "You caused Israel to sin and you are going to pay for it. Dogs will eat your wife Jezebel, also." Basically the dogs and birds are going to get belly aches from eating so much of Ahab's family.

The moral of this little story which is based loosely upon the perfect Word of God is: (this little paraphrase is not infallible) What goes around comes around.

My actual analogy is concerning "bully boys." As in the days of Brother Elijah so it is in the days of Brother Wade.

"Bully Boys" always sneak around, make plans behind close doors, cast doubt and slander upon one's name and character, smile in public and stab you when you are relaxed. They then make every effort to justify their actions often saying their actions are for the greater good of the masses, and they are great at covering their own tracks.

In this case it is going to be hard to do away with a Lion who is a Noble statesman. This is greatly due to a Bear who is a fearless prophet, an Owl who is a supreme analyst and a journalist who is an all seeing Eagle. Oh yeah: There is also a great big hungry pack of Bloodhounds, hot on the trail to Greensboro. The Executive Board is hard pressed to find enough kennels for all of them.

"What goes around comes around, boys."

There is a Pay Day Some Day and it just may be in Greensboro.

Villa Rica

WHY WADE WILL PREVAIL IN SHINAR

2006-03-25T10:38:00.000-08:00

Loosely based on Daniel 1-6

Daniel was of royal Hebrew blood. Wade is of royal Baptist blood (if there is such a thing).

Daniel was a fine, strapping, smart, young, fellow. Wade is too.

Daniel was taken into the land of Shinar (Babyoln) to be used (Brainwashed) to keep other Hebrew captives in line. Wade was elected to the IMB trustees to help govern the administration and missionaries in their mission directives from the SBC. An effort (Brainwashing) to get him to follow a certain PARTY LINE was made.

Daniel would not be Brainwashed. Wade would not be Brainwashed.

Daniel purposed in his heart that he would not defile himself. Wade did too.

Daniel's life-style drew upon him the love and respect of others. This was caused by God's own Hand. Wade's life-style has had the same result.

Daniel was persistent in his pursuit to be holy. Wade is persistent in the same way.

Daniel's persistence to be holy got him thrown into BABYLON'S lion den. Wade's persistence to be holy got him thrown into the TRUSTEE'S executive session den.

God delivered Daniel from the lion's den. God will deliver Wade from the trustee's den (if Wade continues to follow the example of Daniel and I believe he will).

Why will Wade prevail in Shinar?

It is because God blesses those who seek to be holy and have pure hearts as a life-style. God blesses those that live by faith in Jesus.

God raised Daniel up. God will raise Wade up.

It is my prayer that Wade will always remember the Rock from which he was hewn. May he always walk by faith and seek to be holy. Many before him have failed to do so after God raised them up. May Wade take the example of Daniel and remain faithful and holy before the Lord. The SBC needs men that finish well in their latter years.

May the words of Daniel 12: 13 give Wade confidence in his well doing. May all who love him continue to pray for him and his wife and children as they go through this hard time.

Villa Rica

NERO FIDDLED WHILE ROME BURNED!

2006-03-23T21:28:00.000-08:00

In my right hand I hold the "LifeWay Newsletter" from the President of LifeWay, Thom S. Rainer entitled: The Dying American Church. In my left hand, I hold a BP article by Brent Thompson entitled: Ministers' Wives' Luncheon Slates Acclaimed Interior Designer.

Brent Thompson's article gives us some insight as to why the American church is dying. It seems that the 2006 Ministers' Wives' Conference and Luncheon President, Dorothy Patterson, has enlisted Georg Anderson, a world renowned interior designer and author to come to Greensboro and "share his principles for turning a home into a silent witness for Jesus Christ."

The article goes on to say that Mr. Anderson has designed interiors for the White House, The Governor's Mansion in Arkansas, The Carlyle Hotel and The Waldorf-Astoria in New York City and many "private residences in the United States."

Internationally, Anderson has designed interiors in London, Monte Carlo, Helsinki, Jarkarta and Indonesia. He has been on television and even appeared on the "700 Club." His latest book is entitled: Silent Witness: The Language of Your Home. "Anderson and his wife, Annabelle, use their home to demonstrate how interior design can bear “silent witness” to the multifaceted work of God in our lives."

Dorothy Patterson said Anderson will bring fun, information and inspiration to this year's luncheon. Dr. Rainer's article speaks of An American church that may be going the way of the church in Europe which is the way of death. Rainer states that "it takes 86 church members in America one year to reach one person for Christ." He goes on to present the fact that Christians are "making no effort to engage a lost or an unchurched person on any level." There is more sobering information in his article and it should be read by all Southern Baptist.

It is my opinion that such things as having an interior designer to speak at a luncheon about making your home a "silent witness" is not what we need right now, especially, when our most vocal witnesses on the foreign field are questioning recent actions of the IMB trustees. It would probably be good this year if all our luncheons were devoted to mobilization for evangelism and prayer for militant fervor in reaching our world. People are dying and going to Hell all around and we are planning a "silent witness" luncheon for ministers'wives no less. I plead the question: Is that out of touch or what?

Do not misunderstand me. I am all for having a well appointed home. I live in one. My wife has excellent taste and designed the interior of every room except my study. She had no help from Georg Anderson. Many people have come to Christ in our home. It was never due to a "silent witness." She shared the gospel with them or I did. Just recently a 76 year old gentleman gave his life to Christ in my study. (Remember, my study has never been designed by a professional or an amateur with good taste. Its just books, shelves, computers and desks but that man met Jesus there.)

Another point of interest is that my wife decorated our home using our money. Not one dime of CP money was used.

As I read the Rainer article about the Dying American Church, witness the chaos at the IMB, hear the hurt from our missionaries, and relate to the dissatisfaction in our young pastors and ministers of various other callings, I cannot help but think something is wrong in this year’s plans for the 2006 Ministers’ Wives’ Luncheon in Greensboro. It seems to me that someone is out of touch with what is going on right now in the SBC. But what do I know? I thought Georg was spelled George with an "e" at the end.

Seriously, we need to pray without ceasing and gather in Greensboro. If ever the SBC needed renewal it is now!!!!!

A sermon illustration that is often used by preachers refers to Nero playing the violin while Rome burned. With that in mind I pose the following: Will we decorate our bathrooms while our missionaries loose trust? WILL WE LEARN TO HANG DRAPES WHILE THE WORLD GOES TO HELL? It might do us all well to reflect upon the fifth chapter of the prophecy of Amos.

Villa Rica

The Trouble With Lap-Dogs

2006-03-23T07:28:00.000-08:00

As of this moment Dr. Jerry Rankin is president of the International Mission Board of the Southern Baptist Convention. He is a gracious man with an objective and goal of reaching lost people all over the world with the gospel. He is not self-serving and does not seem to have a burning desire to manipulate the actions and day-to-day operations of other Boards, Agencies and Institutions of the SBC as do certain other well known individuals.

With the new guidelines in place at the IMB, trustee Ken Cademartori is quoted by ABP as having said something very interesting and revealing:

"WHEN WE BECOME TRUSTEES, WE GIVE UP SOME THINGS, INCLUDING THE FREEDOM TO SPEAK AGAINST THE BOARD. IF A TRUSTEE WANTS TO SPEAK PUBLICLY AGAINST AN IMB ACTION HE OR SHE CAN RESIGN."

If Greg Warner quoted Mr. Cademartori correctly, the IMB is in great jeopardy.

There will come a time when Dr. Rankin is no longer President of the IMB. When he leaves, one who "knows not Joseph," but only knows self, his buddies, and his own personal desire to become a demagogue may either be put into the presidency or, who knows, may leave the presidency of another institution and go to a new throne more suitable to the ego. (It has happened in the past.)

If the above does happen, the stage is set for chaos at the IMB. The new, would be, demagogue will select trustees that have passed the "lap dog" test. He will then surround himself with little lap dogs that do tricks for doggie treats such as: large churches, teaching positions, DOM positions, or "peachy" preaching opportunities at Pastor's Conferences and Conventions.

If one of the "lap dogs" suddenly has a genetic, internal change and becomes a Burelson bred Doberman of righteousness and challenges the demagogue, he will not last long. He will first be isolated and caged, given no more "neat treats" and finally banished to the dog pound to be put to sleep (unless the Blog Doberman Rescue Unit steps in).

If this scenario plays out we should erect a sign in the "kennel yard" at the IMB in Richmond:

TRICKY LITTLE LAP DOGS WELCOME. RIGHTEOUS DOBERMANS NOT PERMITTED, BUT PLEASE SEND MONEY. LABS ARE WELCOME ANYTIME.

A better sign may simply be: ICHABOD

I realize that this little analogy is sarcastic and cynical, it is my goal for it to be so. It is my desire that all of us understand how imperative it is for us to go to GREENSBORO and stand in unity against what has happened at the IMB. When we get there sarcasm and cynicism must be laid aside because we need to do a righteous work. We need to speak the truth in love but SPEAK TRUTH WITH NO FEAR.

If you are convinced in your heart that what has happened at the IMB and in other situations within the SBC is wrong then I implore you to come to Greensboro armed with truth, love and a pure heart filled with pure motivation and help us. God will bless us and give us victory.

I know you are praying and I ask you to pray more fervently and challenge those you know to pray. As one good brother has stated on another blog silence is the weapon used by those in power now.

WE DO NOT WANT TO BE IN POWER. That is where we failed in the past. WE WANT GOD TO BE IN POWER AND TO EMPOWER. Therefore do not be silent toward God. Pray, Pray and Pray again. Do not be silent toward your brothers and sisters. Tell them the truth. Bring them to Greensboro.

SEE YOU IN GREENSBORO,

Villa Rica

2006-03-02T20:47:00.000-08:00

Responding to the chronology on sbcoutpost:

Having read the chronology it seems that when Bubba played the fiddle for the IMB dance, Tom, Jerry and the rest of Bubba's children missed a few of the steps they had practices for so long before the shindig started.

Now it seems that they want to blame someone for greasing the floor.

2006-03-02T14:48:00.000-08:00

Is this really IMB integrity and polity? I think not. I think that it is more proof of men being lead around with hooks in their noses masquerading as independent thinkers.

The IMB, Integrity, and Polity
The wise heart will know the proper time and proceedure.For there is a proper time and proceedure for every matter, though a man's misery weighs heavily upon him.Ecclesiastes 8:5b,6By the grace of our Sovereign Lord the Southern Baptist Convention is effective. We are the largest Biblically faithful, soul-winning, church-planting organization in the history of the world. We are organized into state and regional conventions; and once a year, a national convention. All conventions have an executive board and/or executive committee. We maintain colleges, universities and seminaries. All of these institutions have a board of trustees. We maintain two mission entities, the North American Mission Board and the International Mission Board. Both have trustees. We appoint fellow Southern Baptists to these committees and boards to faithfully weigh issues and make decisions.Every single one of these entities follow a patient, considerate and cooperative decision making process. The International Mission Board Trustees are no exception.The IMB Trustees meet six times a year. The issues they weigh and the decisions they make can affect every nation on earth. The variety and scale of the issues they face are as great as any regional or state convention. They must answer to Jesus Christ for their faithfulness and they take this responsibility seriously. Answering to the Southern Baptist Convention is also taken seriously.The Board of Trustees prayerfully and thoroughly consider opportunities and difficulties. They gather information from our missionaries in the field, stateside staff, one another, and Southern Baptists who are stateside. They consider ideas from many points of view. When a decision must be made immediately, they trust God and do the best they can. When a decision does not involve an emergency, they allow many months (and sometimes years) to pass while they continue to gather information, reason with one another, and seek consensus. This is the nature of a patient, considerate, and cooperative decision-making process.The patient, considerate, and cooperative decision-making process is proven effective regarding our mission boards, educational institutions, and various conventions. Where can a better method be found? What might it be?The IMB Trustees are fully commited to being considerate. However, the Board cannot respond to accelerating rumors between meetings because they simply are not in session. The Trustees are patient, considerate, and cooperative. This is the decision-making process for every executive board, executive committee, and board of trustees, throughout the entire Southern Baptist Convention. I believe this is wisdom and that such a process is both loving and reasonable.The IMB Trustees are continually considering the "issues of the rumors" as well as fifty times as many issues that are not, yet, public gossip. They know they are not perfect. The Trustees will make their decisions as fast as faithful Christians can work together. The Trustees will then walk right into the light and make their work known in the prescribed venue at the prescribed time. Integrity demands it.The patient, considerate, and cooperative method of decision-making is written into our responsibilities. In the week following a board meeting, anyone could demand answers that cannot be given because the issues are still under consideration. This is not evidence of a lack of integrity. Is it reasonable to pour two gallons of water into a one gallon bowl, and then accuse the bowl of not holding water?Is this beneficial? Is this constructive? Whose good is being sought with such demands (1 Corinthians 10:23-24)?As Christians, we have a Great Commandment. An intentional focus on God's greatest priority will bring His greatest blessings. Patience remains a virtue.Love is patient,1 Corinthians 13:4aA patient man calms a quarrel.Proverbs 15:18b
posted by Jerry Corbaley

Jerry,

As I read your first attempt at blogging it is easy to see that it is also your first attempt at being a Baptist statesman. Your understanding of the working of the SBC institutions is twenty miles wide and a quarter of an inch deep. You are lacking to say the most. Also, your "proof text" method of using Scripture betrays the fact that you lack expository capabilities. How evident it is that you and others were lead with a hook in your nose to do the bidding of SBC power brokers who really just want to be rid of Jerry Rankin. Shame on you.

Jerry's response:

Some general thoughts on a rookie's second day of blogging.It has been said that my post is 20 miles wide and a quarter of an inch deep. This is true. One has to start somewhere.This blog will post no comments until I review the comment. I conclude I am responsible for the contents of my blog as well as the comments that are posted. I want to remind everyone that my posts and comments are only one man's opinion. If you find the information helpful or thought provoking, then great.Your comments and emails cause a significant amount of personal reflection and additional thinking on my part. Ouch. Thanks.Don't expect perfection from me, you will be soon disappointed. I don't expect it from anyone else either.A missionary commented regarding my assertion that the Trustees listen to input from the field. I am listening. The issue raised is valid. I conclude that the venue in which the issue is raised is not. Please contact me personally.

Jerry,

Obviously you are not going to post the entire comment "twenty miles wide and a quarter inch deep" so let me see if you will post this.

I would never expect you to be perfect nor do I believe that of myself. Such statements as "don't expect me to be perfect" always smack with false humility anyway. The bottom line is you made the motion to dismiss Wade. You can say that you were not part of a caucus if you want. You can call it a meeting over coffee and donuts if you please but we both know that there were meetings prior to the plenary session and executive session of the IMB when the motion regarding Wade was made. Having been in many such meetings as a SBC trustee I know what happened. I along with many others also know who called that shot. You guys need to just confess the truth and ask the convention to forgive you and get on about the work of the IMB. We will forgive you if you just tell the truth and come clean and that my friend is the Biblical way.