Monday, May 21, 2007

ON THE WAY TO THE CARTER CENTER

I have been away from Blog Town for the last several months. Me and Merle went down to Mexico to get my brothers, Poncho and Lefty out of jail, again. They were down there due to running from the Law in Tennessee after stealing Volfanoo7’s low wattage chandelier. While down there they decided to go into a new business. They were going to import Game roosters into Texas for “sporting” purposes. The only problem was that they did not have enough money to buy roosters so they decided to “borrow” them from a fine “sporting” gentleman in Mexico City. In the process of “borrowing” the roosters late one night they got caught.

Borrowing another fellow’s Game roosters in Mexico without asking is very similar to doing so in the USA. They got two years in jail. Me and Merle broke them out and took off to Texas as fast as possible. We got to Fort Worth and split up. Poncho and Lefty opened up a Wild Game Dinner Ministry right there in Fort Worth. Me and Merle borrowed a 2002 Gran Prix that had been borrowed once before and took off for the airport in Dallas. We left the Gran Prix in the parking lot for the “rightful” owner to pick up. We caught a plane to Atlanta. The date was May 17, 2007. Historic in SBC history will be that date.

When we landed we were going to catch a cab into town and buy some new clothes. I needed a new fishing vest. My FREE WADE baseball cap would just have to do until I got back home to Blog Town to get another one. Merle saw no need to buy new clothes. His Tiger Stripe camos he had been issued back in 1969 by Uncle Sam were still in good shape. (by Merle’s standards) What luck! Low and behold there was CB Scott, Ben Cole and Wade Burleson in CB’s SUV.

Merle jumped out in front of the SUV and yelled; STOP as loud as possible. Now, you have to understand Merle is very dark skinned, with a heavy beard. He had not bathed, shaved, or had a haircut in about two months due to our rescue efforts of Poncho and Lefty down in Mexico. He also had a towel around his head due to the heat. What happened next could only happen to a Blog Town resident.

The Atlanta Airport Police saw Merle yell at three guys dressed in black suits riding in a Suburban. They took him to be a terrorist. Two of them started running toward Merle from opposite directions. Now Merle is a retired Navy Seal with much experience in places from as far as Southeast Asia to places snakes and dogs won’t live. These two Policemen were rather large. When Merle saw them coming he waited until they got right up on him and ducked. They ran into each other knocking each other down. When that happened several Airport Policemen came toward Merle. Merle jumped up on the Suburban and started yelling ATTICA, ATTICA like Al Pacino in Dog Day Afternoon.

CB, Ben and Wade jumped out of the Suburban. 17 Policemen drew their weapons and surrounded the SUV. Blue lights were flashing as more Policemen approached. An SBC Disaster Relief Team started setting up a feeding unit. A group of Japanese tourists starting taking pictures saying; O look a Hollywood movie is being made. One of the tourists looked at Wade and said; Look, DON JOHNSON. They started toward Wade asking for his autograph. Wade got out his ink pen with a smile on his face.

Ben started asking the Policemen how much their guns cost, saying their weapons look far more expensive than other Police issue he had seen. CB started yelling at the Policemen not to shoot because they would hit his SUV rather than Merle. He told the Policemen they did not have enough training. CB said to one of the Policemen; “Let me have your weapon. I’ll shoot him for you. I won’t miss. If I had not been there I would not have believed it. FORTY-ONE SHOTS by Bruce Springsteen came on the Bose radio of the Suburban.

I could take no more. I started to speak in tongues. It was a miracle. The Policemen holstered their weapons. Merle stopped yelling ATTICA and started singing KUMBAYA. Believe it or not all of those Cops began to cry. They explained that they had all been IMB missionaries that had been fired from the Board because they had a PPL. Merle got off the top of the SUV. The crowd began to disperse. CB was still trying to talk one of the Policemen into giving him his sidearm so he could shoot Merle for denting the top of his Suburban. Finally no one was left except me, Merle, Ben, Wade and CB. Merle said to them; “Where are you guys going anyway.” "We are going to see President Jimmy Carter;" said Ben. "JIMMY CARTER!!" screamed Merle. "HEY COPS COME BACK. TAKE ME TO JAIL. I AIN’T GOING TO SEE JIMMY CARTER." Merle is just a stupid NAZARENE, said CB. "Yeah," responded Ben. "Those Nazarenes just do not love each other like us SBC guys, do they?" Wade said; "Hey, there is Marty. Let’s get him and go. This is going to be a great day." CB said with a disgusted look, "If Art had been here this mess would not have happened.

THAT’S MY STORY AND I AM STICKING TO IT.

Villa Rica

3 Comments:

Blogger Art said...

HILARIOUS!!!

As always.

Thanks, VR.

8:13 PM  
Blogger volfan007 said...

villa,

i'm so glad to have my chandelier back. i put it out on the front porch. it looks right pretty out there. and besides, my blue tick hound is scared of the dark, so it gives him a good nite lite...with it being low watt and all.

tell those brothers of your'n that if they ever come to the hills of tn again that all of my kin are ready to take care of them. :)
we tennesseans know a little bit about feudin' and such. :)

btw, granpappy was deliriously happy that they didnt find his still. you should have seen him running past the outhouse...down the path that leads to his still when he learned that your brothers had been by our little community. i aint seen granpappy run like that since someone put some of that x lax stuff in his mashed taters to help him with a little problem he had for a while. those little x lax pills cured it...sure nuff.

david....volfan007

10:44 AM  
Blogger volfan007 said...

villa,

i'm coming to texas, bubba. you'd better watch out. we tennesseans have been coming to texas for a while to help out those folks. i believe your great uncle was santa anna, was he not? hummmmmm.

david

8:31 PM  

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